Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconshakirakairi: More from shakirakairi





Details

Submitted on
November 20, 2011
File Size
330 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
695
Favourites
54 (who?)
Comments
34
×


Alone

in the depth of eternity

separated from my friends

There's no hope

Alone! I sob

trying to hold onto your voice,

when we meet again

Alone I may not survive.
Screenshot from game~credit Square Enix
I suck at these D: but I gave it a try right?? ;D
I wrote how sora felt without riku and kairi
Hope you Enjoy!!^^;
Add a Comment:
 
:iconhitmontop16:
hitmontop16 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2011
what world is that?
Reply
:iconshakirakairi:
shakirakairi Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2011
Memories' Skyscraper in the world that never was :3
Reply
:iconhitmontop16:
hitmontop16 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2011
Doesn't look like it...
Reply
:iconshakirakairi:
shakirakairi Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2011
well you can check, sorry i wasn't sure^^;
Reply
:icontv-headache:
tv-headache Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2011   General Artist
THIS IS AWESOME!
Reply
:iconshakirakairi:
shakirakairi Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2011
Thanks ^^
Reply
:icontv-headache:
tv-headache Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2011   General Artist
No Problem! <^w^>
Reply
:iconriku-of-darkness:
Riku-of-Darkness Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This is pretty much how I imagine Sora on the down moments between missions. Yes, he has Goofy and Donald at his side, but I know he misses Riku and Kairi even more because of it.

There were a few things I noticed that pulled me out of the poem.

depht = depth

"separated from his friends" - The rest of the poem is in first person (Sora's perspective), so why is this sentence in third person: "his friends", and not "my friends"?

"listening to your whispers" - sounds as though the person whispering is nearby, which goes against the sense of him being alone. Maybe "listening to the memories", or "trying to hold onto your voice", something like this to indicate that who he's thinking about is far away.

"when we'll meet again" (when we will meet again) is a phrase that sounds out of place. Was it meant as a question: "when will we meet again"/"will we meet again"? "Will" is one of those hopeful verbs that doesn't require "when" to indicate a question of hope. As a statement, it would read instead, "when we meet again" to indicate certainty that the two individuals will meet up in the future eventually. I'm sorry if this explanation isn't very clear, but I'm running on 4 hours of sleep, and wished to comment on your work while the thoughts are fresh.

This is still a very good piece, especially with the screencap you have chosen. It touches on a side of Sora that many people might not notice because he usually goes through the day with a smile. :clap:
Reply
:iconshakirakairi:
shakirakairi Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011
Thanks for pointing the mistakes out :3 I'll go back and fix them! I was half-asleep when I did this so i didn't notice them but now I do thanks ^^ and your explanation's clear ^^ i understand it :)
yeah because then you forget what you were going to type^^; that's happened to me.

Thanks<3 Yeah true.true. ^^
Reply
:iconriku-of-darkness:
Riku-of-Darkness Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. ^-^ I like to give friendly critique when I can. Hehehe. I make an incredible amount of errors when I type half-asleep, so I know what that's like. :giggle:
Oh good, I really didn't sleep last night, so I was worried I wasn't making any sense. Hehe. I've had so many sentences where I started something, changed the end three times, and then forgot to fix the beginning. ^^;

You're welcome! :heart:
Reply
Add a Comment: